What is Marriage?

I was reading Bad Girl's soon to be stopped blog Diary of an Affair. She asked some questions about marriage: "...I thought there should be more to a marriage. Shouldn't there be love? Shouldn't there be passion? Shouldn't there be want? Shouldn't there be respect? Shouldn't there be an overwhelming need to spend the rest of your life with this person? ..."

I thought to myself, this would be true in an ideal marriage but there seems to be more. I also have been reading Odd Wife's blog The Odd Wife about how marriage is about many boring and unexciting things so that it makes an affair seem to be so much fun. (I just went over there to get some more info from her but her blog has some sort of a problem right now.) And then I keep hearing about how gay marriage threatens the future of the family. I take that statement to mean marriage is about having and raising children.

Trust Tyler (In Tyler We Trusted) made an very good comment to Bad Girl about marriage:

" I've noticed that people get into marriages, on the most part, for the right reasons. Love, affection, companionship, compatibility, etc. I have also noticed that people stay in marriages for, often, differing reasons. Safety, stability, laziness, etc. Love is a great thing, when it first occurs. It's a deep, powerful maelstrom of emotion, but, after being married and talking to people who have been married a while, it becomes a different kind of love. It becomes deeper and more soulful, less passion, more ingrained. In these kinds of marriages, the partners love each other no less than they did before, but it's on a different level and that is where some people find themselves when they look afield for others. Because the passion doesn't seem to be there, it is, but it has been subsumed by the deeper, more comfortable, soulful love that the marriage has become.

Of course there are other kinds of marriages. The convenience marriages, the "need" marriages, the "settling for" marriages. ..."

This is one of the best summaries of why people stay married that I have seen. The only main reason I think that he missed was "for the kids." Also he points to the idea that there are different reasons for and types of marriages.

To me marriages are like cars, there are different makes and models to reflect different needs and wants. To extend the analogy a bit, relationships are like vehicles, there are many different types: horse and buggy, bicycle, motorcycle, car, truck and so on. One can also borrow, rent or own. And oh yes, you can have more than one - own a car and rent a truck for example. The combinations seems to be endless. Of course no analogy is perfect, but I hope you get what I mean.

Both cars and marriages need to be maintained. If you don't, they will stop working and soon fall apart.


While I own a Ford van, I don't presume to think you MUST also. As a society we see the need for different cars and types of ownership. I don't think anyone should require marriage to be only about having children which is what several states seem to be saying. If one's church will only allow a church wedding between one man and one woman, that is fine and within their rights. However, to require a civil union to only be between one man and one woman because of your religious beliefs is wrong and is an abuse of the power of the majority over the minority.

This narrow minded attitude limits all of us.