Why the lack of spark

I posted the other day about the lack of spark between the wife and I. The Odd Wife left a comment saying "Can you create a spark?" My answer is "I don't know."

I guess first we need to know why the spark is gone. I am a timid soul. I dislike conflict. I like to get along. Yes when I am pushed too far I react in a bad way. I guess I have a passive-aggressive personalty. I have learned to control my anger by holding back my feelings. Otherwise I will do something I will regret in the heat of the moment.

My wife as it turns out is bi-polar. For years before we found out, she would sometime get into a rant over something trivial. When the rant was directed at me it just tore me up. How could a person that I cared so much about treat me that way, did she not care for me? I just had to stuff my feeling into a hole and cover it up in order to survive. I did not want to get a divorce and start over again. So I learned to deal with the mania rants by disconnecting myself from her. We sleep in different rooms because "of her snoring." It was an excuse that worked as I did not want to sleep in the same bed with her. A couple of years ago, after a very bad rant against her mother who she loved dearly, I told her she needed to control herself. She told me she knew at the time the rant was wrong but she could not stop herself. We went to the doctor and the Doc gave my wife some medicine to even out her moods. After some adjustment in the meds, she is mostly easy to get along with. I don't know if the spark is still there but buried or completely gone. But I think the spark has been extinguish.

So where do we go from here? I feel guilty that I lost my love for her over a medical problem that she had no real control over. But it does not change the fact that its gone.

Can I get the spark back? I just don't know.