Fantasies

Jamie over at Margaritaville has a posting about fantasizing. Her post ends with this: "...But I was wondering if any of you guys ever do it. And what do you fantasize about? No fair lying, since I just told you my deep, dark secret!"

I'm sorry, but I don't think that Jamie posted a deep or a dark secret. In fact her fantasies seem quite normal to me. Now I don't share her type of fantasies (horror/thriller), but I do have my own. Let's remember that fantasies are the source material for writers. In Jamie's case maybe a writer like Edgar Allen Poe. And of course we all fantasize about hot sexy people. I guess what I am saying is we all fantasize.

The issue, to me, is how much and when. If we fantasize too little we become dull lifeless people. If we fantasize too much we lose connection with reality and are worthless, maybe dangerous, to our self and those around us. Timing is also important. Fantasizing or day dreaming is bad when we are driving. Day dreaming about the hot person setting next to us during a boring meeting may be the only way we can survive it.

Also many of our goals in life come from our fantasies. As we were told in the song from the musical South Pacific, "If you don't have a dream, How you gonna make a dream come true?"

Fantasies do have an important place in our lives. I for one could not maintain my place in life without my masturbation fantasies.

Fantasies allow us to have in a virtual world that what we cannot or should not have in the real world. Where we get into trouble is when we act on our fantasy when it is wrong to do so.

One of my fantasies is to have an affair with a thirtesh woman. (Women in their thirties are the best sexually.) But its not going to happen. Because, what women wants to date a man twice their age? Sigh.

Another fantasy of mine is to get rich. But that is not going to happen either. Its too late, I've had my chance and I'm not going to rob a bank.

One more fantasy is to meet and have coffee or a meal with some of my blogging friends. Who knows, that may happen.

Sometimes being old is so sad

Until a few years ago I had an interesting and a good sex life. The most interesting times were when I was between marriages. I seemed to have a sixth sense about women who wanted to be with me. Its almost like I could see a sign above their heads saying "available for sex." I seemed to develop this ability a few months after my divorce. When I followed my feelings I could almost always pick out a women in a crowd at a bar, a dance or other social gathering who would go home with me or agree to a date within the week. Life (sex) was good!

My ability seem to continue after I remarried. I said seem to as I never had sex with them even when they came out and all but said f*** me. You know like "Call me sometime when your wife is out of town." or "Why don't you come by the house and visit, my husband is on a fishing trip."

This is all background to what happen last evening. I was at Culver's, a fast food restaurant, to get one of their Beef Pot Roast Sandwiches. While thinking about some web design work, in walked a woman with a young boy. All of a sudden like a bright light I knew she was ready. My first thoughts after is saw her were about I could approach her and to see how far I could get. Then like a bucket of cold water in the face I thought "You fool, your sixty six years old." "Why do you think a thirtyesh woman would be interested in you for sex." That made me sad.

I went home and lost myself in reading stories to escape reality. That too is sad.

Sometimes I wonder if maybe a woman would be interested in me? Should I even try?

I've been a good boy

mostly. My wife has been gone visiting for two days now. I have done some painting and have mowed the lawn. And the rest of the time, probably more time than working, I have spent reading. Its what I've been reading that has made me less than good. Most of my reading has been from Stories on line and I also read from Alt.Sex.Stories Text Repository and Literotica. And of course I had some five finger relief.

That's not being too bad is it?

Eleven more days to resist temptation.

My father

Now that Father's Day is past, I guess I need to post about my father. He was overly strict. My wife tells me he was abusive both physically and mentally when I tell her about how he treated me. I do not love him nor do I even like him. I try not to hate him. His voice left on my answering machine a few years ago gave me the willies. My own strong reaction to his voice surprised me. At that point I decided to avoid all contact with him. I mean, why should I put myself in that dark place? Since then I have received several cards. I have not even opened them. Well I did have my wife look at them to see if there is anything that I needed to know about. I got one last Christmas so I guess he is still alive. I really don't want to write or think anymore about this.

Reading the Comics

Curtis 6/13/05

First panel.
Curtis standing at his teachers desk saying:

"I can't believe this is the last day of school, Mrs. Nelson! I'm going to miss your well-planned, thought-provoking lessons."

Second panel
the teacher replies:

"I, too, Mr. Wilkins, will sorely miss standing in front of this black-board to teach smart students like yourself."

Third panel
the teacher and Curtis smile at each other.

Fourth panel
the teacher says:

"I can shovel it with a straight face too, Mr. Wilkins!"

Braahaahaahaa

My Granddad's Rocker

My Sister-in-law was here last week and saw my granddad's rocking chair. She told me that I should clean it up, repair it and refinish it. I said nothing. There was no way I was changing that rocker. Its wreathed and repaired with wire to hold it together in places.

Just as my granddad last used it.

No I am not changing it. Its the last physical thing I have of my granddads that we enjoyed together. I bet he never had any idea how I would cherish that rocker.

I wonder if there is any ordinary thing of mine that my son or granddaughter will keep for memories?

No Future Just a Past

As a kid I use to set on the front porch of my granddad's house and listen to my granddad tell stories of his youth. He told the same stories time and time again. I was glad to listen each time as I loved my granddad. He would sit there in his rocking chair and smoke his pipe as we watched the cars drive by on the street. He rarely talked about what would be happening tomorrow or next week. I often wondered why that was.

Now I know.

I don't like to think and talk about the future as I have none. Well that is not quite right, I only have small futures not big ones. Maybe I never had a big future (lots of money, fame and the like) maybe all I ever had were small futures - but I had a big pile of them. And now what futures I have are short. Not much time left and what time there is is hard to use as I have a failing body.

What triggered these thoughts? Cleaning up and throwing away things. I realized that many of the things I had saved I had no future use for. None! Not that the things were old, not that they were worn out, not because technology had passed it by but because I had no future to use those things in.

Its a overcast rainy day and it may be affecting my mood. But the facts are still true.

Damn

What is Marriage?

I was reading Bad Girl's soon to be stopped blog Diary of an Affair. She asked some questions about marriage: "...I thought there should be more to a marriage. Shouldn't there be love? Shouldn't there be passion? Shouldn't there be want? Shouldn't there be respect? Shouldn't there be an overwhelming need to spend the rest of your life with this person? ..."

I thought to myself, this would be true in an ideal marriage but there seems to be more. I also have been reading Odd Wife's blog The Odd Wife about how marriage is about many boring and unexciting things so that it makes an affair seem to be so much fun. (I just went over there to get some more info from her but her blog has some sort of a problem right now.) And then I keep hearing about how gay marriage threatens the future of the family. I take that statement to mean marriage is about having and raising children.

Trust Tyler (In Tyler We Trusted) made an very good comment to Bad Girl about marriage:

" I've noticed that people get into marriages, on the most part, for the right reasons. Love, affection, companionship, compatibility, etc. I have also noticed that people stay in marriages for, often, differing reasons. Safety, stability, laziness, etc. Love is a great thing, when it first occurs. It's a deep, powerful maelstrom of emotion, but, after being married and talking to people who have been married a while, it becomes a different kind of love. It becomes deeper and more soulful, less passion, more ingrained. In these kinds of marriages, the partners love each other no less than they did before, but it's on a different level and that is where some people find themselves when they look afield for others. Because the passion doesn't seem to be there, it is, but it has been subsumed by the deeper, more comfortable, soulful love that the marriage has become.

Of course there are other kinds of marriages. The convenience marriages, the "need" marriages, the "settling for" marriages. ..."

This is one of the best summaries of why people stay married that I have seen. The only main reason I think that he missed was "for the kids." Also he points to the idea that there are different reasons for and types of marriages.

To me marriages are like cars, there are different makes and models to reflect different needs and wants. To extend the analogy a bit, relationships are like vehicles, there are many different types: horse and buggy, bicycle, motorcycle, car, truck and so on. One can also borrow, rent or own. And oh yes, you can have more than one - own a car and rent a truck for example. The combinations seems to be endless. Of course no analogy is perfect, but I hope you get what I mean.

Both cars and marriages need to be maintained. If you don't, they will stop working and soon fall apart.


While I own a Ford van, I don't presume to think you MUST also. As a society we see the need for different cars and types of ownership. I don't think anyone should require marriage to be only about having children which is what several states seem to be saying. If one's church will only allow a church wedding between one man and one woman, that is fine and within their rights. However, to require a civil union to only be between one man and one woman because of your religious beliefs is wrong and is an abuse of the power of the majority over the minority.

This narrow minded attitude limits all of us.

Wife will be gone for two weeks

My wife will be visiting her sister to get away from the house. This will help her to come to terms with her mother dying. I will be left all alone for the two weeks. One of the things I will be doing is eating fried SPAM sandwiches. My wife hates the smell of SPAM cooking so I only get to have SPAM when she is away for a few days. (It takes several days to get the smell out of the house.)

A few years ago I went on a two week mission trip with the youth of our church. On one of the work days I wore a tee-shirt with the SPAM logo on it. Most of the kids made fun of my like/love of SPAM and it became a lot of fun with them teasing and with me defending. I got the nickname of SPAM man. After we got back the youth had a church dinner as a fund raiser. As a joke I brought fried SPAM sandwiches and they were all eaten by the crowd. About a month latter the women of the church put together a recipe book as a fund raiser. Again, as a joke, I gave them the following recipe and they had the nerve to put it in their booklet. This is what I turned in:

SPAM Sandwiches — Deluxe
By SPAM man

1. Open a can of SPAM.

NOTE: be careful when opening vintage cans of SPAM that you do not cut yourself on the can edges. Most households have a vintage can of SPAM way in the back of the cabinet that was bought (in a weak moment) for emergency food.

2. Remove contents and discard the packing jelly. One does not need to worry about Salmonella being spread from the material in the can. The contents, while in the can, no longer support life.

3. Slice the mass on the can end face. Slices should be 1/8th to 3/16th inch thick. Thinner slices, when fried, give only crust and no innards. Thicker slices give too much innards.

4. Place slices in a heated skillet that has a small amount of oil in it; additional oil will magically appear as the slices fry. Southerners may use bacon grease.

5. Fry the slices turning several times. Turn more often if you are impatient.

6. Fry until golden brown. Then continue cooking some more.

NOTE: If the slices turn black, they have cooked too long and you must start over with fresh(?) slices.

7. When cooked, remove the slices and place on several layers of paper towels. EPA regulations require disposal of the used paper towels in sealed bags.

8. Cut each slice in two to make cracker size squares. Larger pieces require cast iron stomachs.

9. Place four fried SPAM squares on a piece of white sandwich bread. Be sure to use white bread which has only the minimum amount of nutrients as required by Law.

10. Place a small dollop of yellow mustard on each of the fried SPAM squares. You may use more mustard if you think you can still taste the SPAM.

11. Cover with another piece of white sandwich bread and cut into quarters. If these sandwiches are to be used in a formal setting, cut off the bread crust.

12. Place the completed sandwiches on a serving plate and cover with plastic wrap. Do not use aluminum foil for if it touches the SPAM, the aluminum will corrode.

13. These sandwiches may be prepared up to several days before hand. Storage time depends on the bread used. Additional storage time can be gained if stored in a refrigerator.

Headline

The following headline caught my eye:

"Paris Hilton proves that money doesn't equate to class"

enough said.

Jokes

Old joke:

What do you call couples who use the rhythm method to control conception?

Parents.

New joke:

What do you call parents who teach abstinence to their teenagers to prevent pregnancy?

Grandparents.