I'm depressed

I'm old, fat, lonely, have high blood pressure, type 2 diabetes, in a loveless marriage, with no real purpose in life it seems. My only sex partner for the last 6 or 7 or more years has been my hand. Some times I'm ashamed to be using up resources.

I guess its not all bad. I did add some information to my son's web site - - it took all of fifteen minutes. I left a few comments on some blogs. I did some technical investigation on a possible design/use problem on a computer motherboard.

The value of what I did today would not pay for the air conducting I used.

My greatest joy after sex is doing electronic circuit design. My areas of expertise are analog circuitry and lightning protection. I have a patent on a circuit I designed. I'm damn proud of my design work. I just have not done any since 1992.

Damn, I've not enjoyed two of my most favorite things for about a decade. Sad, sad, sad.

Anyone out there that need some circuits designed and willing to pay for it with sex?

A Half Open Marriage or the Cuckolded Husband - part 3

After the "date" with E, things at home stayed about the same. The store guy (sg) would often come by during the days first wife (fw) was not working for a nooner. Sometimes he would come by when I got home from work. We would send the kids off to the swimming pool so that sg and I could enjoy fw together. Fw and I had more sex during this time than ever before. It seem like she and I would get-it-on a couple of times a day. It seemed like the more sex she got the hotter and more sex I got from her. She had to be getting it three of four times a day at least.

I worked at a electronics company across town. Several of the guys and gals I worked with would go out for a beer after work on Fridays. I started going out with them for a couple of beers and then went home. Fw asked about who was there, so I asked if she would like for me to leave work early some Friday and take her to the bar the guys went to. She said yes so I did. After that she said it was OK for me to stay latter if I wanted. So I did. I started getting home between nine and midnight on Fridays. Once in a while one of the guys would have a house party on a Saturday night that the fw and I would go to. Some times she did not want to go, so I would go by myself.

Looking back I realize that I never got invited to any get-to-gathers with the people she worked with although she use to go to them. I now wonder how many were sex parties. The few times we had sex after she attended one of her functions she was extra hot and wet.

I was happy with life except for one thing, I wanted to have sex with other women. I think I was passing up opportunities all the time.

I was so shy and inexperienced that I did not know "yes" when I saw it.

To be continued.

Why the lack of spark

I posted the other day about the lack of spark between the wife and I. The Odd Wife left a comment saying "Can you create a spark?" My answer is "I don't know."

I guess first we need to know why the spark is gone. I am a timid soul. I dislike conflict. I like to get along. Yes when I am pushed too far I react in a bad way. I guess I have a passive-aggressive personalty. I have learned to control my anger by holding back my feelings. Otherwise I will do something I will regret in the heat of the moment.

My wife as it turns out is bi-polar. For years before we found out, she would sometime get into a rant over something trivial. When the rant was directed at me it just tore me up. How could a person that I cared so much about treat me that way, did she not care for me? I just had to stuff my feeling into a hole and cover it up in order to survive. I did not want to get a divorce and start over again. So I learned to deal with the mania rants by disconnecting myself from her. We sleep in different rooms because "of her snoring." It was an excuse that worked as I did not want to sleep in the same bed with her. A couple of years ago, after a very bad rant against her mother who she loved dearly, I told her she needed to control herself. She told me she knew at the time the rant was wrong but she could not stop herself. We went to the doctor and the Doc gave my wife some medicine to even out her moods. After some adjustment in the meds, she is mostly easy to get along with. I don't know if the spark is still there but buried or completely gone. But I think the spark has been extinguish.

So where do we go from here? I feel guilty that I lost my love for her over a medical problem that she had no real control over. But it does not change the fact that its gone.

Can I get the spark back? I just don't know.

Scotty has been beamed up

James Doohan, who played Chief Engineer Montgomery Scott "Scotty" in the Star Trek series died early today. He was 85. Mr. Doohan, who had Alzheimer's disease, died of pneumonia at his home early this morning, said his agent, Steven Stevens.

I really liked the character he played. Too bad about the Alzheimer's.

Not much going on

Not much going on here. Spent a couple of days working on a web site for my son's run for a local political office. Mowed the yard over the weekend. Need to finish writing about the Half Open Marriage with the first wife, but just don't feel the burn. The current wife and I seem to be more like roommates instead of husband and wife. There is just no spark between us. Its even hard to find things to talk about. But life is comfortable. We get along. We do little things for each other. From the outside it would look good, but I am just dead inside. Not much going on here.

Temptation Time

Well the wife is leaving again to visit her sister. This time she'll be gone for three weeks. Leaves on the 20th and returns on Aug the 3rd. If I can find any temptation I'm going to yield to it.

Any offers?

A Half Open Marriage or the Cuckolded Husband - part 2

My first wife (fw) worked part time on various shifts. The extra money she brought in allowed us to buy a nice house. Because most weeks we would need someone to watch the boys we paid a neighbor to watch them every day after school until she or I got home. One day when I got home the front door was locked even though her car was there. The door was usually unlocked when the kids were home. Thinking that she must have just gotten home I started up to our bedroom to change out of my work clothes. I heard some noise coming from our bedroom so I assumed she was up there changing clothes. I open the door to our bedroom and got quite a surprise. There on the floor was my wife getting screwed by some man I did not know. Well I had told her that I wanted to watch and maybe join in, so I did. It was everything I had dreamed it would be and more.

I still was only having sex with fw, while she was having sex with me, the store guy, and maybe with the railroad guy. While I enjoyed sharing fw, I wanted to find a woman for me to have sex with. I was a bit shy around women back then so I was having a hard time meeting a woman. So I asked fw to fix me up with someone. Who better to find a willing woman than another woman. So fw set me up to take a single woman (E) to a party. Fw told me that E wanted to go to this party but did not want to go by herself and needed a date. I asked about sex with E and fw said she didn't know. E came by the house so she and I could go to the party. I don't remember why I did not pick E up at her apartment, but it would have been better if I had. E was a few years younger than fw and I and was nice looking. She wore a sun dress with no bra. At the party I noticed that I could see all of her breasts including her nipples by looking down her dress. After we were there a while E complained to me about the guys there looking down her dress but she didn't change how she sat. Looking back, I think she made the comments to make sure that I looked down her dress. At the time I took her statement to mean that she was not very liberated and was put off by men seeing her body. I began to think that all she wanted was a man to take her to the party and nothing more, so I was a nice guy and did not push beyond a kiss. I always have and will always respect a woman choice. Looking back I think E was willing for more but I misread her due to my inexperience.

Back then I couldn't buy a clue about women.

To be continued.

A Half Open Marriage or the Cuckolded Husband - part 1

I'm not sure how we, first wife (here after called fw) and I, got started talking about the topic. We were talking about having sex with others. Fw told me that the wife a couple we knew was having an affair with her husband's permission. I could tell that fw found this to be real exciting and soon I did too. After talking about it for a few weeks we came to an agreement that it was OK to have other sex partners provided we told each other. There was nothing said about preapproving the other's partners. Two nights later fw told me that she had sex with guy she met. I asked where she met him. She replied that he worked at this store/business near to where we lived. At the time I thought it was peculiar as this was a place she would not normally shop. At the time I did not worry about it as I was excited about the sex. Also I took this as a green light for me to find someone to have sex with. She asked if it would be OK to bring hin to house to screw. I told her it was OK with me and I would sometime like to watch and maybe join in. She said she did not know about doing that but she would see.

At this time she was working as a clerk in a railroad yard with maintenance and traffic control men. One of the men she had been close friends with for a couple of years. I thought that this would be the guy she would be having sex with. She never admitted it, but I think she had been having an affaire/sex with him long before our agreement. She would often have unaccounted for hours that she could have spent with him. That was coupled with the fact when he came to visit at our house, at my insistence, he always acted a bit odd around me. I only met his wife once and then he was careful to not let my wife and his wife be alone together. Most of these observations I did not make at the time and it was years latter that the meaning came together for me. God was I ever stupid back then.

To be continued.

Science vs Intelligent Design vs Creationism

Science is based on observable phenomena. Scientific Theory is a story or model of reality that is consistent with the known observed phenomena, it is testable and can be used to predict future events. Scientific Theories are Scientific Hypothesis that have withstood the test of time and attacks on the hypothesis by the use of the Scientific Method. Hypothesis start as an conjecture. A conjecture is a provisional idea whose merit needs to evaluated using the Scientific Method to confirm or to disprove the conjecture. Theories, hypothesis and conjectures can be disproved whenever the facts contradict them. When a theory is proved, it becomes a law. There are few if any Scientific Laws. Many so called laws are just well accepted theories.

Intelligent Design was born out of opposition to the theory of evolution and the belief that life on Earth was designed or created by an intelligent agent or agents. Proponents of Intelligent Design study objects in an attempt to isolate what they call signs of design by intelligence — physical properties of an object that necessitate design as opposed to an undirected process such as natural selection. Examples being considered include irreducible complexity, information mechanisms, and specified complexity. Advocates of Intelligent Design say that their focus is on detecting design in nature, not about who or what the designer might be. Advocates of Intelligent Design also argue against the assumption in science that any meaningful explanation is based upon an empirically accessible material reality. Materialism of this sort rules out explanations that depend on factors located outside of observable nature, including most concepts of an active creator. Intelligent Design proponents argue that the exclusion of supernatural possibilities amounts to an ideological prejudice that obstructs the genuine search for truth. Intelligent Design appeals to those who believe in the supernatural or God. Another group that Intelligent Design appeals to are those who believe in extraterrestrials as the intelligent agent.

Creationism is the belief that human beings, the world and the universe were created by a supreme being. That said, however, Creationism covers a spectrum of beliefs. Some of these are: Babylonian, Christianity, Egyptian, Greek, Hindu, Hopi, Islam, Judaism, Maya, Navajo and Taoism.

My main source of information used above was wikipedia, which is a online wiki free encyclopedia, along with other web pages and my own knowledge. So if any of the above is in error please leave a comment or email me. Thanks.

The following is what I think about the above.

Creationism generally belongs to our religious beliefs and/or institutions. This concept does not belong in our classrooms. Almost everyone agrees with this. Not because they do not want their beliefs taught, but because they do not want someone else's beliefs taught in the classroom.

How about the battle between Intelligent Design and Evolution. Proponents of Intelligent Design say they are offering an alternative idea to overcome perceived problems in the Theory of Evolution. Their perceived problem seems to be that The Theory of Evolution seems to leaves no room for God. As a conjecture to explain changes in the Theory of Evolution that may be needed with the discovery of superior beings in the universe (extraterrestrials) Intelligent Design is OK. However, its being used to bring the Christian's God into the class room.

Oh another thing, the Proponents of Intelligent Design are trying to make their idea look better by tearing down The Theory of Evolution instead of building up Intelligent Design. They seem to have gotten this tactic (negative campaigning) from the politicians. From what I read online and in the papers the people pushing that Intelligent Design be taught in the classroom have no idea what the Theory of Evolution is, just that it not conform to the Bible. Now its OK to require that the short comings of the Theory of Evolution be taught in the classroom as long as the short comings of Intelligent Design are also taught. There are plenty of problems in both ideas.

Now don't get me wrong, I kinda like Intelligent Design as I fits in with my beliefs. But I think it needs to be taught in Sunday school not in Monday through Friday school.

I don't think that Intelligent Design and the Theory of Evolution are opposites. To me Intelligent Design is an addition to the Theory of Evolution. The Theory of Evolution is based on material observations. Intelligent Design should just be about adding the unobservable or the supernatural and should not be used to tear down the Scientific Method. Without the Scientific Method mankind would still be dying from the plague and many other diseases.

Wife safe blog

I've made a new blog that is wife safe. Its many of the posts I've done here with the stuff that would offend her removed. After all I am not looking to get divorced at this point in my life. In about a month I may let my wife know about it. Hell, I might even get her to post there. If she does, I will let you all know. Until then this is my primary blog. This is where I will post my memoirs and more private thoughts and deeds. Comments there that would lead her to this blog will be removed. Sorry. I will try to let you know if I remove any comments over there.

If you find it, let me know by email.

Its going to be a quiet Fourth

My wife is out of town until the fifth. I have just been lazying around. Taking naps in the afternoon, reading and watching the idiot box. Well I am doing some layout work on a web site for my son. He bought a template to use but I don't like it much. I may roll my own. My brother-in-law's computer has gone belly up. He shipped it to me to fix. He had some repair group from Best Buy look at it and they charged him $160 and told him that his motherboard was burned up and he would need to buy a new computer. The computer boots fine and I can log on as administrator and then it blue screens. It seems like the hardware is OK just got some nasties in the software. I think I'll install a new hard drive and install XP Pro. Then I'll see how much of his data and settings I can get off the old hard drive. To me this is fun.

My beautiful town does not allow any kind of personal fireworks. But I keep hearing loud pops and bangs and whizzes. Don't see any cops around though. Don't know if I will go to any public fireworks display.

I was at Culver's, a fast food restaurant, to get lunch today and saw several MILFs but none seemed "available." (See my earlier post on June 25th.) These were mothers and a few fathers of a preteen baseball team. You would think that for a Saturday there would be more fathers wanting to watch their sons play baseball.